I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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