So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize