I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
