Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
