At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
