11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
