My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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