last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
