you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
