This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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