I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
