Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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