I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
