I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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