She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
