planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
