Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
