What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
