Just fell off a train. Bad.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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