Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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