i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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