you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
