normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
