please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
