I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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