it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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