obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize