The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
