i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
