just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
