"it" just moved
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
