Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
