there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
