she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize