I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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