just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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