everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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