take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
