They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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