She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i think i just lost a toe
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
