C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
