mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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