That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
