dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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