Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize