he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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