Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
