i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
