I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize