No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
