No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
