making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
