after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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