Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
