I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
