I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
