Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize