There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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