I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
