My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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