I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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