Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
