Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
