One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
