Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Screwed.edu
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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