three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
