I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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