Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
