Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
