i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
