i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
