'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
