you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
