i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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