I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
