Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
