she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
