we made out on top of his cat.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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