Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
