i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
