He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
