everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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