is your mom at the bar?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
