Will you blow on my dice?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize