he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
